Dear Whoever nocked over my bike this morning,
Firstly, I'd like to say, fuck you. It was so nice this morning to be awoken to the news that my motorcycle was laying on its side in the street. I would like to thank you for making the start of my day, just that much brighter. I'd also like to thank you specifically for neglecting to leave a note, even merely an apology after smashing my bike into the ground. I've spent the morning imagining how wonderful it would be to go up to your car and beat one side in with a sledge hammer. I'm so glad to be a motorcycle owner in San Francisco. This will now be the second time this year that one of my progressive thoughtful brethren in this wonderful city, has seen fit to cause just over 3200$ in damage to my only vehicle. Fortunately the first time my insurance covered the damage, but in doing so devalued the bike such that there would be no point to carry comprehensive insurance anymore. I'm really glad that I had my bike working for a solid 3 weeks before you came by and totally fucked it up. You're a coward, your blatant violation of the social contract that we all live under is appalling, and the fact the you most likely live no more than two blocks from me since who else would park in a residential area at night, makes me want to puke. I hope your parents and spouse die today in some karmic tsunami, and that your car gets stolen and driven off a cliff. Fuck you, you pathetic piece of shit.
Yours,
Gene Wood